A Moment of Truth: Escaping Domestic Violence

I had been inconsistently going to therapy for a couple of months. I was wearing turtle necks in the summer to hide the bruises on my chest and neck. One day I showed up to therapy and my therapist said, "Avery, I've been checking the obituaries for your name." Here in front of me was someone who cared about me and was willing to break traditional therapist-client norms by telling me something emotional and real. He saw that my life was in danger. Yet, I stayed. 

I stayed because I thought I loved him. Because I didn't think it was "that bad." I stayed because people told me I attracted him. I stayed because I thought it was my fault. I stayed because I was worried he might kill me if I left.

So what was the moment I decided to leave?

The truth is, I didn't. I got lucky. He left me first, and I was relieved. No more guns on the nightstand. No more shaking me awake. No more lies and yelling and trying to hide it. 

When he left, I was free. Looking back, I don't blame myself for staying. I don't blame myself for finding him. I blame him for being abusive. 

Women are often blamed for the violent behavior of men when the real problem is a society that doesn't hold perpetrators accountable. There is no reason violent men should be in positions of power other than that the system is rigged in their favor. 

I refuse to comply with a system inherently designed to oppress me. I absolve myself of guilt for violence in my past. I hope that if you are a survivor who reads this, you can do the same. I am with you in solitude.